Paranoia Me

RING RING... RING RING...

Mmmm exciting! Who could be calling?
It's a number i couldn't recognise. Answered,
and guess what. It was one of my bestest
friend from my school days, Cakoi.

Hey, how are you doing? Haven't heard from
you for such a long time!

We've known each other long long time. The
first few years, we were only hi-and-bye friends.
Then, we kinda hit it off, not the sexual way la.
We became close friends. I seriously dunno why.
We were so opposites to each other. We are of
different race and religion, physically incompatible,
And i think he cannot tahan mariah.

But i guess we do have things in common,
things that are more important that outlooks,
race or religion. When we got together, it was
all about crap. We talk rubbish, do silly things.
Oh now i know why... because out of the 30-odd
students in my class, only two of us were always
fooling around, not paying attention during lessons.

After school we went our separate ways pursuing
different dreams. I was shocked when he told me
he wanted to do medicine. Hell no! You were never
serious in your studies! I guess he had everything
planned carefully. Both of us were away from KL
but we were still in close contact.

Cakoi came back with the degree and was posted
to Sabah. That was also the time when I had
problems with my ex. He never approve the
relationship when he knew the real truth of it.
But he was still there for me everytime i needed
someone.

Time passed by, my relationship ended. Cakoi
found someone and got married. I was happy
for him but at the same time i felt we were drifting
apart. Maybe it was his work... the shitty working
hours, or his new attached life.

Somehow i couldn't help but felt that it could also
due to the fact that i was gay. He couldn't accept
homosexuality, perhaps he got tired of all my gay
adventures and stories.

Well, i guess i was being paranoid.

When he called, he asked about him. And if i am
in a new relationship. We had a good chat. But i
felt something missing, there was no rubbish talk.
Maybe its because he is already a husband?

One thing for sure, is that he may never accept
homosexuality... but he accepts me as i am.

Songs from The Emancipation of Mimi - Mariah